Yucky times ahead........

So all of the side effects that were supposed to start at the end of week 2, have all of a sudden started at the end of week 4. Blistered skin and extreme fatigue (probably as a result of not sleeping) are taking their toll. Tuesday is the day I see my Doctor and she looked at me today and said.. oh that is going to break open in a couple of days while looking at my collarbone skin.... nice huh?

So aloe, lotion and cold compresses are in my future for the next few weeks.

Poor Bella is apparently having sympathy pains for me as she had to go to the vet today.. she has been itching like crazy (part of my sleep issues) and apparently has some type of skin allergies along with her Mom...so antihistamines for the dog.

What a fun day!

Ok, now I get the fatigue part.....

They told me radiation would fatigue me, now I get that. I had a super busy day Friday and Saturday with my job. While it is nice to be getting back to work, the timing is kind of bad because the tail end of this radiation stuff is tiresome and by Friday I am beat and that is my busy time. But I gotta work, need to get some money made to pay for these lymphedema supplies!

Trying to take it easy today and putter around the house and get it semi-cleaned up. Sweeping and vacuuming are still difficult for me and with Bella that means pug hair everywhere! Good thing she is cute!

As of Monday I have only 2 weeks to go!

Halfway done.....

As of Monday's treatment I am halfway done..... they tell me the easy part is over and the last three weeks will be worse. At least they are honest.

I am still having PT and she tells me that this tightness, especially in my pec, can last up to a year after the end of treatment. I am starting to get the burning in my skin and the scratchy tightness in my throat. In the mornings I sound like a 2 pack an hour smoker and don't have the greatest voice around. Frozen yogurt is my friend and the manager at the Red Mango on Archer Road is so sweet. She will even make me a smoothy before the store opens if I call her. She said there are quite a few people in treatment that come to their store. Thankfully it is all natural so I can have it and they have a good variety of flavors.

My sleeve and glove came in today, the sleeve has to be remade as it was a little too short. I had her go ahead and order the night garment too. I was able to find a couple of different organizations who offer grants to help pay for things like this so I am hoping to be able to offset some of the $1100 it will cost to get all three pieces I need, none of which is covered by insurance. Cross your fingers. So far one place indicated they would cover $250. The night garment will take a couple of weeks, but it will be nice to be able to do it myself and not have to have Mom come over every night to wrap it up.

So until April 9 it is radiation every day and PT 2-3 times a week. Still able to squeeze a little work in between, 3 events in the next 10 days, so at least I will be busy!!!

Thanks for checking in on me.

My Mother.....

is not a perfect human being.. but to me she is the most amazing person on the planet. She has put her life on hold to be there for me any time of the day or night for these past 8 months. My mom has always been the caretaker in our family.. the rock. Many member of my extended family have turned to her at different points in their lives and she and my Dad have always been there for any of them.

We have had several people stay with us at different times throughout the years and nobody has ever been turned away or made to feel not welcome. There have been weddings and other family events held in our home too. The door has always been open and always will be. It makes me sad that some of these relationships have fallen by the wayside in this fast paced world we live in. People have come and people have gone, but certain bonds will always be there.

The best thing about my Mom is she takes the high road and the door is always open to her home and her heart...her selflessness these past few months is such proof of this and there is nothing I can ever do to repay her for the care and love she has given to me. Don't get me wrong.. my Dad has been right there too, but in a different way.... Mom is the one that answers the phone any time day or night...and gets in the car to come help me.... Dad would too but Mom doesn't give hm the chance.

Anyone can be a mother but it takes someone special to be a Mommy and at the age of almost 46 I am glad I can still call mine that. So I ask you to take a moment out of your crazy, busy life and tell the ones in your life that you love them and how important they are to you... and do it in person or make that phone call...not in an email or a text or on Facebook (you can do those too but in person means so much more).

Thanks for letting me put this out there today.....and as always for checking in on me here... off to the daily zapping!

They play this song almost every morning before my zapping

It was released the week I got diagnosed, most days I don't cry when I hear it unlike in the beginning. I am currently in the phase highlighted in pink letters.


She dropped the phone and burst into tears  
The doctor just confirmed her fears  
Her husband held it in and held her tight  
Cancer don't discriminate or care if you're just 38
 With three kids who need you in their lives  
He said, "I know that you're afraid and I am, too But you'll never be alone, I promise you"
 
When you're weak, I'll be strong When you let go, I'll hold on When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes When you feel lost and scared to death, Like you can't take one more step Just take my hand, together we can do it I'm gonna love you through it.
 
She made it through the surgery fine  
They said they caught it just in time But they had to take more than they planned

 Now it's forced smiles and baggy shirts  

To hide what the cancer took from her  

But she just wants to feel like a woman again  

She said, "I don't think I can do this anymore"  

He took her in his arms and said "That's what my love is for"
 
When you're weak, I'll be strong When you let go, I'll hold on When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes When you feel lost and scared to death, Like you can't take one more step Just take my hand, together we can do it I'm gonna love you through it.
 
And when this road gets too long
I'll be the rock you lean on
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I'm gonna love you through it.
  I'm gonna love you through it.

Sprung forward

So I remembered to get the clock moved forward, do I get a browine button or something?

Eventful couple of days here... Had to take Bella in for her vaccinations on Friday. Saw a different vet than her usual one and did not really like this one or the tech and the way they handled her. She is a very friendly pooch and was treated like a 50 pound vicious dog. Brought her home and dropped her off and ran back out to pick up some dinner and came home to a dog covered in hives and starting to be a little gaspy. Of course the vet had closed 10 minutes prior, so off to the emergency vet we had to go. The good news is she is fine... the bad news is my bank account (which was starting to recover slightly) took a big hit (there went my sleeve money). But Bella is ok and that is all that matters.

Was able to spend a good part of yesterday catching up on paperwork for my job and will be doing that today too. By the end of the weekend I should be all caught up and feel pretty accomplished.

Then back to the daily zapping and M-W-F physical therapy tomorrow... but I am on the right side of the grass so I will keep going and suck it up.

As always thanks for checking in on me.

So radiation...

... pretty much sucks... sorry to be blunt but there is no way to sugar coat it. I am miserable pretty much. The lymphedema makes me have to have my arm wrapped as much as possible during the day and every night. This involves someone to come do it so thank goodness once again for my wonderful mother. It is pretty much like a cast when completed and makes it really difficult to sleep. This is for about two weeks until my custom sleeve arrives (to the tune of $300 none of which is covered by Medicaid). It also hinders my ability to work, which hinders my ability to make money to pay for it. Ugh....

The nerve damage in my shoulder is also no fun. Right now it is PT 2-3 times a week and radiation daily. The radiation side effects are starting, lots of tightness in my chest wall under the scar and in my pec and the scratchy throat is beginning too.. happy happy joy joy. I just keep telling myself it is temporary (I hope) but it seem that these things are going to take longer for me to heal from than they initially thought.

I did get to take my boy Tim out for his birthday dinner and to see the Harlem Globetrotters (I won some tickets) tonight, but I am afraid that was my last large crowd outing until this stuff is done. I am beat.

Goodnight and as always thanks for checking in on me!

Weelend is over already?

Quick update because typing is now a pain. I have to keep my arm wrapped most of the weekend so that it can be at its smallest (due to the lymphedemia swelling) when it is measured. It kind of sucks as it makes it pretty much immobile as if in a cast. Thanks to Mom and Lydia for keeping me wrapped up this weekend.

Did a bar tending gig Saturday night for a friend. Thankfully I was working with people who are aware of my limitations and had my back (of course I hooked them up with a cash paying gig too!) and helped me get through the night. I think that will be my last non-coordinating gig for awhile. I was wiped out. Did come home with lots of leftover food though! Good thing cause cooking is out with this arm!

Off to bed with me and Bella!

New developments

So at the end of week one of radiation and continued physical therapy on my arm and shoulder it has been determined that I have some nerve damage as a result of my surgery. Apparently this is fairly common and one of those "this could happen" things they warn you about prior to surgery.

The good news is... it can be overcome with continued physical therapy, the bad news is it will take 3-6 months and with my fibromyalgia on top of the healing and radiation effects could take longer.

In other news I was denied for my disability (A shocker I know!) so now I need to find a good disability attorney that is reasonably priced and doesn't want any money unless I win. So if anyone has any referrals please pass them along.

I have finally hit my emotional wall this week.. I have had several breakdowns and am pretty much over it all... I will move past it I know and keep having to remind myself that I have cancer, it does not have me.

To all of my friends that have come to visit, met me for dinner and things like that.... I can not thank you enough for treating me like Denise and not making everything about my illness... you get the update and then move on to other things.. it means so much more than I can ever tell you.You know who you are (I hope) so I am not going to name names.

And to the wonderful people at Main Street Pizza Pie Co. in Alachua.. I can not tell you how much I look forward to me weekly Stromboli (that feeds me three times!) it is the one thing that is consistent in my life food wise along with the laughter and fun that comes with it. It is proof that people come into our lives for a reason and I am so grateful to have all of you in mine and will continue to bring new people in to enjoy your food and hospitality!

Thanks to everyone that keeps checking on me!