Wordless Wednesday.....

As much as you try and prepare yourself....

there is no way to be ready for the clumps appearing on the comb when you get out of the shower. Thank Goodness my wonderful friend Laurie is also my hairdresser and she is going to come cut me into a shorter do.

Monday part 2

So the appointment with the surgeon was a relief. They are going to continue with their original plan of action, This is 6 rounds of chemo, 3 weeks apart, followed by surgery, most likely in December which will be a right mastectomy and removal of lymph nodes and then the oncologist will decide if I will need more chemo and/or radiation.

Thankfully that was my last appointment until next Tuesday when I see the oncologist again and have chemo #2. So now as long as these darn hives go away maybe I can get something done in the next few days!

Ugh...........

It is the only word I can come up with. Ended up at the ER last night due to the hives, left after 2 hours of not being seen and saw my GP this morning..so as if my body is not jacked up enough from all of this crap I am now on steroids and a prescription strength anti-itch something.

Got a nice email just a few minutes ago from Betsy.. it is nice to know I was missed yesterday and to know the bridal show went well. I know the pictures are not doing it justice, hoping I can get over there tomorrow and see everyone and maybe some leftovers.

Off to Dr. #2 and hoping that by the time it is over I will know which way I am heading treatment wise. Hate not being able to put make-up on, but yes.. the hives are on my face too :(

OK.. everyone together now.. cross your fingers and send up some prayers between now and 5!

No Fun Sunday..........

All I wanted to do today was go to the bridal show for a little while and see everyone and then pop over to the Lacrosse banquet and take some pictures.

I do not think that was asking too much.. however... the hives that are covering my body .. and I do mean covering.. are going to keep me home today. They are even on my face.

This whole prisoner in my own home thing is going to get old really, really quick.

Yep, I guess it was too much...

tried to work today, made it 30 minutes. Did make it in to take my football players boy for a congratulatory dinner for his first high school football game. Of course my dinner is in a box in the fridge but he enjoyed his and that is all that I care about.

Had real food issues today, as in didn't want any of it and felt like if I did it would not stay around. Managed some soup and a breadstick for dinner, with a nausea pill as an appetizer.

Hoping to make it out to the bridal show for at least a little while tomorrow, but not making any promises as of now.

Good night!

What a day......

I may have overdone it, but I don't care. I got to see my boy play in his first high school football game! IT came at the end of the game and it was only 2 plays and it was in the rain and I don't care! It was SO WORTH IT!! I am so proud of him for sticking it out and paying attention and being all the things that I love him for.

Got home and heard this song (you may have to copy and paste it) : 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxIt70j_SPk
I cried pretty hard and realized that you are all loving me through this and that is what will get me through this.

Got some fabulous gifts in the mail today from my "little sister" Laure who is better than a real sister because she chooses to love me and doesn't have to because we do not share any blood lines. Pictures to follow.
Now it is late and I am about to pass out... goodnight all!

Six whole hours!

of work today.. I feel so accomplished, however I am beat, so power nap before football tonight.

It's Friday!

Looking forward to attending Tim's first high school football game tonight, hoping for a normal feeling day. Dad picking me up shortly to go get my car from the mechanic and then off to work to try and get all the stuff done that I did not get done yesterday.

Wish me luck!

First the good news......

Bella and I headed out bright and early , our first stop was Turkey Creek (where I work) to check on a project and see what supplies I would need. As I was pulling in I got a call from the wonderful Coleen telling me she looked up my scans from Tuesday and nothing has spread.. so what a great way to start the day!


Second stop was to be the groomers so Bella could get all nice and clean while I got what I needed for my project...well then the car died. So we left Turkey Creek in a tow truck with my car on the back. Off the the mechanic, where the car remains, sister-in-law came and got us and home we are.

Two minutes after arriving home, the surgeon's office called with my biopsy results: Invasive Infultary ductal carcinoma... stage 3....  please come in on Monday and talk to Dr. D, so he can go over your options, we would like to get you on the schedule for surgery next week. Please do not ask me what that all means as I am not completely sure at this point.

Right now I am feeling very overwhelmed and emotional... I appreciate the emails from everyone but to be honest, one of the main reason I started this blog was so that I could have one place for people to go for information and did not have to keep answering individual emails repeatedly. So if you have messaged me on facebook or sent me an email, please know that I have read it and I appreciate it more than you will know.. but I just plain do not have the energy to reply sometimes...in addition to being physically wiped out some days, this is emotionally draining in a way I can not explain.

So until Monday, I really do not have any more answers and it sounds like I will be making a lot of decisions then as well. Until then, keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming my way and know that I love and appreciate you all very much.

xoxoxo,
D

Who would have ever thought....

I would become a morning person?! I am not sure that my whole outlook on mornings has changed, I think it is more that I am up and moving so I better go get something done before I tucker out!

So off I go to see if I can be a little more productive today.. got a few things done yesterday, lets see what will happen today!

Minor bump in the road.....

So as part of my process, I have to take my temperature morning and evening. Last night it slowly went up to 101.0 If it hits 100.4 I am supposed to call, which I did at 100.6, of course the on call person recommended I go to the ER. Well, me being me, I opted not to do so. I monitored it every 30 minutes and by 11:00 it was back down in the 99s.

Thank goodness, I really do not want to be one of those over reacting people who runs to the hospital at every little thing. With all of the testing yesterday I think it probably just had something to do with a minor reaction to all of the stuff they added to my system. Cross your fingers!

Human pin cusion....

that is what I will be now answering to. The WORST sticks ever to get a little bit of contrast dye into me for CAT scans. 5 sticks!!! Ouch is really all I can say. However Ron who did my bone scan was amazing!

Still waiting to find out biopsy results, hopefully tomorrow. Found out that I share a surgeon with "Ma" as we affectionately call her...such a small world sometimes.

Going to go take a little nap with the Queen B.. might write more later. Thanks for checking in on me!

Fibro and Chemo....

do not play well together, at this point I think they are fighting for domination.

I have admitted defeat and will not be driving myself for my scans tomorrow. I am sure the other drivers on the road will appreciate this.

My knees, hips and shoulders are so not happy.

Thanks for all the notes and for keeping up with me here......

Hmmmmmm....

Well now my nephew knows that his Aunt Denise has cancer.. well the one that is old enough to understand does. I think that was scarier for me than any of this. All of my "boys" (brother and 2 nephews) came by today. Chuck hooked up my DVD player....guess I will have to find some movies now.

Nick and Robbie had lots of hugs for me, this is a new thing with Nick, he used to run and hide from me. Thank goodness he overcame that!

Made a trip to work to turn in my time card and a stop at Publix for some supplies. Took every ounce of energy I had for sure. Even got caught up on some contracts for work, the chemo brain thing is no joke that's for sure. I am grateful to be able to work from home at at least one of my jobs. I do miss going to the florist every day though...I miss the simple task of watering the plants...seeing my co-workers and playing with Andrew so Betsy can get some work done. I am going to have to go by for a visit this week for sure.

Tuesday brings the rescheduled day of scans, so I think tomorrow will be a work at home day and finish getting caught up on paperwork. Two more contracts to go and I will feel officially caught up.

Hoping Karl has a good day at Mayo tomorrow and things will keep plugging along.

Thanks for the comments, card that have come via snail mail, thoughts and prayers.. they do mean a lot.

So I didn't make it.....

took some Advil.. the knees are just not loving life. I have done 3 loads of laundry, some dishes, two work proposals and cleaned out the freezer. I am now exhausted! Going to take a ride up to work in a little while to turn in my time card and so Bella and I can get out of the house. I think I will stick to the back roads just to be safe.

I am so tired of sitting in this house......

but not being strong enough to operate my car really sucks. I was not able to go to Hold Em for Hope last night for this reason. I am sick of TV and my DVR is almost empty.

Oh and FYI texting is a bit difficult at the moment, those buttons are pretty small. I appreciate the messages but if you want me to respond, calling my house phone is probably best.  I am trying to get through today without any medication (not that what I have is helping) wish me luck!

Well this kind of sucks....

.... I just want a day where I can go do something normal without it taking every ounce of energy that I have. I do not know the last time I slept so much. I know my body needs it and all of that but not being able to go get in my car and take flowers up to work today sucked. Thank goodness for good ole' Mom.

Wish I could get comfortable..

Been up since 3:00, can't seem to find a comfortable place or position. The discomfort in my joints and bones from the chemo is making itself known for sure. Not sure how to explain it or how to make it better.

A humbling day...

So the bone pain they warned me about hit big time today. I have been able to hold the nausea at bay with the medication and crackers and soup. Mom brought some G2 and Advil on the way home and made me an omelet too. Not sure what I would do without her and my Dad right now.

It is so hard for me to ask people to do things for me after being on my own for so long, but I guess I am going to have to learn to get used to it.

Bella has been an angel today, kept me company in bed, I can tell she is trying to protect me that is for sure.

Dad will give me my shot tonight and hopefully that will help with the bone pain. Cross your fingers.

No Shands for me today......

The nausea has hit.... so the all day scanfest has been cancelled and I am heading back to a horizontal position.

But I saw this on a friends facebook status and thought it was perfect to share here.

Friends are like underwear... Some crawl up your butt. Some snap under pressure. Some don't have the strength to hold you up. Some get a little twisted. Some are your favorite. Some are holy. Some are cheap. Some are naughty. And some actually cover your butt when you need them to. Re-post this for all the friends you know and love, give them a laugh today! [I truly have the best friends on the planet! You know who you are!]

Learned somethign today about the blog world

Apparently there is something called wordless Wednesday, so on Wednesday from here on out I will only be posting a picture.

I am learning as I go!

I went to work for a grand total of 2 hours today.. now I am tired and queasy so I think a nausea pill and nap are in my future!

Good mornnig take 2....

Just woke back up after my second round of sleep today. looks like tiredness is the after effect for me this week. Going to get in the shower and head into work for a 2:00 meeting and then I think I will return home for work from here. Just don't have too much energy to drag too much stuff down there today.

I received a nice message from a dear friend from school this morning. I would like to share them with you.

I refuse to preach to my friends because you don't really need to hear another sermon as folks preach to you all the time whether their sermons are Bible based or not. However, I have found that Bible verses provide some encouragement. Therefore, I have sent you a couple today and will from time to time. I hope they help. The Apostle Paul wrote these words from the book of
Philippians 4: 6 - 7...(6)" Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; (7) and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus

Up a little early....

but just to take a nausea pill. The good news is I have not been sick yet! But I am super tired and fatigued. Hard to do simple things like lift a pack of water bottles to put some in the fridge to quench my ridiculous thirst.

Yesterday was made so much easier by having my great friend Lauri there with me.. she took my last minute melt down in stride and still loved me and helped me through the day. There is nothing I can do to thank her enough for her being there today. Also a visit about half way through from my friend Kim (who I don't talk to enough but is still a bestie) when she finished up with work made more than happy.

Next time I know to bring... snacks..drinks and a nice soft blankie,

Bella just came in to tell me it is time to go back to bed.. so off I go. 

1 down.. 5 to go...

First chemo down, only 5 more to go. It was really not so bad.. I am sure the Atavan they gave me to start with was a tremendous help. I took some anti nausea meds when I got home and ate a patty melt, so far so good.

I am feeling kind of tired but at this point that is really the worst of it. Cross your fingers it stays this way.. I actually feel a little stoned. : )

It amazes me the lack of privacy you have at this point, people watching you get your treatments, people in the elevator asking you what type you have.....sad to say there are many worse then me, so I will take my treatments, lose my hair and buy some scarfs and hats.....I will take it, because I will get better.


Good night for now.... xoxoxoxoxox
Denise

And away we go....

Well, Lauri just knocked on the door so I gues it is time. I am wondering why I had a voice mail from the infusion scheduler when I got home though.... Could they be rescheduling? That would stink in more ways than one. Ok off I go with my ice pack!

Chemo day...

Today is my first treatment... I came to work this morning and it is a great distraction I will say. I will admit to a bit of discopmfort from yesterday's biopsy but nothing I can't handle. I will probably get the ice pack out when I get home before Lauri picks me up to go to Shands.

I guess I need to finish reading all of this stuff theygaveme and told me to read before 2:00 today...I know, I know.. been putting it off. But my theoryis the later I read it the less it will freak me out.

Been a productive morning here and hopefully I can return tomorrow for the people that want to come by and take a look at some glassware and centerpieces. But if not everything is here for them to  look at including a prototype for one event on Saturday.

On that note, we are hosting an event Saturday night called Hold 'Em for Hope, it is a breast cancer fund raiser. If anyone would like to buy a ticket or make a donation please let me know and I will put you in touch with the organizers.

Thanks!

The mail...

Today the mail came and brought me some envelopes full of goodies... I am wondering who they came from. Some pick bracelets...let me know if anyone wants one... there are plenty to share! and a window cling and license plate frame that say "Fight Like a Girl". So whoever sent them.. thank you.. I LOVE it all!


After a good nap following my biopsy I am awake and moving around. Some burning in the area but overall not too bad. I know there will be ice packs in my future for the evening, but apart from the bruising I am hoping it won't be so bad. Tomorrow is my first Chemo treatment so let's keep our fingers crossed that it goes as smoothly as this did today.

PS.. if you ever have to have anything like this done.. Dr. Ware and his staff are wonderful!

well that was interesting...

Home from my biopsy, not as bad as I was expecting, however the numbing is wearing off so I will take their advice and take some meds and lay down now......

5:30 again.. really?

I have not seen 5:30 am so consistently in many years...maybe since the days of UAA golf tournaments? I wish I was seeing it for the same reasons. Lunesta is my friend but with early morning appointments I can't take it some nights. Last night was filled with nightmares of the uncertainty of what is going to happen at each new appointment this week.. there are 4 in 3 days and hopefully as each one takes place I will have a better understanding of what is to come. Oh and of course there is that stack of reading still to complete before 1:00 tomorrow afternoon!

Diagnosis to treatment in 11 days....

I was diagnosed on 8-4-11, I will have my first "procedure" tomorrow 8-15-11. I am not sure if I should be happy things are happening so fast or scared that they are happening so fast. I guess I have no choice but to embrace it either way.


Today I had a work function and got lots of encouragement from my coworkers... some of them I know well and work with often, some of them not so often.. but the support and encouraging words in the forms of texts and hugs means more to me than any of them know. Also, the normalcy in which they were with me today was wonderful and welcome today to keep my mind occupied.

I then and went and met some friends, who I also do not see often as they do not live in my town, for a quick bite and was again reminded that some of the people who love me the most and are showing me the most support are the ones I may not see or speak to regularly. Sadly, some of the ones I thought would really show me the love have been noticeably absent.  I understand that it is a lot to handle and if you can't just let me know.. I will understand and know that you are there for me in whatever way you can handle.

My Mom and Dad have had the difficult job of letting family know of my situation....some of them I am close to, some of them I used to be close to.. I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt that it is taking cancer to make them want to call me. 

Everyone keeps telling me I am a strong person and I will beat this.. and I think.. no I KNOW that I will. But I am so tired and feel so weak when I get home after what I used to consider a normal day.  In some ways it is nice to know that there is a reason I have felt this way for the past few months and do not have to put on my "everything's fine" face.

I think I need to try and sleep now.. 4:30 am came way too early this morning and I have a feeling it will come again tomorrow. Good night for now and don't be surprised if another post comes tonight if sleep doesn't.

Way too early!

I am up way too early this morning to get ready for work. I am not going to complain though, because I am so grateful to have something to keep me busy today. Although I am sure I could find plenty to do in this house to keep me busy! Being around people will be so much better for me though.... even have a bridal meeting today at the brunch. Normalcy is good... maybe if I say (type) it enough it will be true.

The meaning behind the name of my blog.....

My blog is named such because the day I bought "the hat" was symbolic of me realizing just what was in store for me in the next few months. The simple act was a big personal step for me because while i do not consider myself vain, I do consider my hair one of my best qualities and I will miss it. But please.. no wigs.. this is why "I bought a hat!"

One more day.....

Monday morning I will go for my biopsy.. Tuesday afternoon I will have my first chemo treatment and Thursday I will spend the day at the hospital having bone density and CAT scans done. Whew! I get tired typing it, can't imagine how I will feel on Friday. Luckily I have a function tomorrow to keep me occupied and a late lunch with friends afterwards....maybe even some take out sushi on my way home for later since I can not eat Monday morning and doubtful my nerves will let me on Tuesday. So one more day and the process of treatment begins!

One week in

Well, I am one week in to my diagnosis of breast cancer. I have not cried in the last two days... and I bought a hat! More to come later, but I wanted to get started.