Goodbye 2011

I am not sad to see you and everything you threw at me go. I am not thrilled with the way 2012 is beginning either to be totally honest. I am trying to focus on the positive but some days it is tough.

The doctor phoned me in some Lortab to help with the pain, took it for the first time last night. It knocked me out, but not sure how much it really helped with the pain. My fear is that if the shoulder pain does not subside before the surgery that recovery will be more difficult.

It has been recommended to me that I rent a lift chair for my recovery, something to sleep in and be comfortable in and won't require me to put too much strain on my muscles. So that is coming on Tuesday. There are so many things that I am learning from breast caner.org that the doctors don't tell you about. I guess cause they have not been through it.

Got myself a pedicure yesterday.... my toes look crazy, but I figure if I will be looking at my feet a lot in the next couple of weeks they may as well be fun!

Happy New Year!

Hear we go again....

The countdown has begun... again... one week to go. Going to try and stay busy for the next few days, however the pain in my legs, back, and arms is not helping with this at all.

Have a little work to wrap up in the next few days and I am going out to meet with a friend/bride this morning!

Thanks for checking in... D

Hair again!

So I am starting to get a little bit of stubble, dark brown and white in color. I washed it with volumizing shampoo this morning, maybe it will help!?!?

It's a Christmas miracle!

I got my letter today saying that my Medicaid has been approved! At least now I know that my medical expenses are now covered. Whew!!!!!

Merry Christmas...

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas.

Hug your loved ones a little tighter this year and never be afraid to tell them you love them.

HoHoHo!
Denise

Attempting to return to normal activiy

well semi-normal. Went out and tried to do some Christmas shopping yesterday... not so productive... everyone is out of the things on the boy's lists... well the things I can afford anyway. Had a nice lunch with Beth and came home for a break... then went out with Mom last night.. thinking the mall was a bad idea. My body is just tired.

Looking forward to a couple of meetings for work this morning.. a wedding and a memorial service.. how opposite can my job get!

A quiet weekend in store.. still planning on trying to get a tree up and some baking done on Saturday if anyone wants to come by and help let me know.. would love to have some company.

Surgery has been rescheduled again...

Update.. my surgery has been rescheduled to January 4th...I have a rash in my surgical area and my surgeon thinks that perhaps my body just needs a break. So I just may decorate and make some cookies.. I may just have an open door policy this weekend for all of you who were trying to come decorate behind my back..... I am still not strong enough to do it all by myself so let me know if you want to come by!

Early morning phone call....

... wait for it..... from the Medicaid office.....unexpected! No notice, she just called....still on the call, we shall see how it goes.

The countdown..

...has begun.. I am just trying to block it out.

Had a nice night out to Hobby Lobby and Golden Corral with my friend Marci last night...was nice to have a few little helpings and not have to commit to something that may not taste good to me right now. It was even better to be pre-occupied! If I can do so for the next 2 and a half days I will be in good shape.

To those of you who have emailed me or my mom about decorating my house. I really appreciate the thought but between recovery and trying to keep Bella out of decorations I think it would cause me more stress than pleasure. I would much rather have you all come visit when I come home if you can ..... that would make me feel the best! It would give my Mom a break and Bella loves company and to run around outside which I will not be able to do much of. From what I am finding out I am going to be laid up for at least a week and maybe even 2, so visitors will be most welcome!

Finally got my computer back from the repair guy and back up and working.. I lost a lot of work.. thankfully most of it was from weddings gone by so print copies will have to do!

Going to go take my boy Tim out for dinner at Ballyho's with one of my Groupon or Living Social or one of those deals.. so that is a couple of more hours occupied!


Thanks for checking on me!

Today is the day it hit me hard.
I will be losing my breast. I will be wearing ugly bras that don't show cleavage from now on. I will have bags collecting fluid leaking from my body. I have to have my breast cut from my body or I will die.
I don't know how I got here. How did this happen? When will I wake up from this nightmare and be healthy, carefree and happy bc it was just a nightmare? Did I do something to deserve this? What the hell am I supposed to learn from all this? What if I don't learn what I am supposed to learn?
I have spent much of the day crying over my impending loss. And praying this is the 1st and only time I go around with cancer of any kind in my body.

yuck

i have a cold

Wordless Wednesday.....no more of this!!!!

So much ging through my mind....

Mostly what amazing people I have in my life....as I was getting my last chemo, Lauri reveals to me that she has contacted everyone on my facebook list regarding an account she has set up for me to hep me pay bills while I go through treatment. Included in the things she gave me was the list of people who have donated to this account. I am just floored by everyone's generosity. I cried for quite some time. The hormones make this happen often.

The nurses and staff loved all of their treats and I was not allowed to get banded until I shared the cracker candy recipe...they all had hugs for me upon departure...it is amazing how much these women love what they do and it shows.

Today was the last of these treatments. I am relieved but it was a tuff day.. took 5 tries to get my IV going, I think my veins are tired. I will miss them, so I am sure I will go by and visit when I go for radiation, armed with cracker candy of course.

Surgery has now been scheduled for Dec 14 @ 9am. Same thing NFR.. if you want to send flowers, make a donation to the cure instead.. if you still want to send flowers, please call The Plant Shoppe Florist 352-371-6249.. then Betsy and Dave and my little bald buddy can get out of the shoppe to come and visit. Plus so much more bang for your buck than an online flower service. :)

So, with Wordless Wednesday looming I wanted to get this out there tonight.

Thank you seems so small but it truly comes from the heart. You all are amazing.

Last Chemo Tuesday

That about sums it up, waiting for Lauri to pick me up so we can get this done! Loaded down with cupcakes, brownies, cracker candy and chex mix for my AMAZING nurses who got me through this!

Rescheduled...

surgery that is... Most likely will be the following week. Dec 12 or 14th. All because of the damn hives. Ugh!

Oh well at least tomorrow is the last chemo. Yay for that.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for so many things and so many people this year. Most of all my family, my amazing friends and my Doctors and Nurses who have taken care of me these past few months and those who will finish things up in the next couple of weeks.

If you are taking a minute to read this today, thank you.. and please hug your loved ones tighter than ever and never be afraid to tell someone you love them.

I am off to my folks to get my grub on... I hope I can taste everything!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yay!

My brother and his family WILL be here for Thanksgiving.. makes me very happy.

Had a great lunch with Kim today and a friend of a friend said I was bald AND Bold....hmmm I think that is a good thing!

Oh and got my pre-registration done for surgery.. so now I just have to wait..........

Lunch date....

looking forward to having lunch with Kimmie today..... then going to pre-register for surgery. At least I am starting on a high note!

Randomness...

Yesterday I had my last wedding for the year. Thank goodness it was for a great coupleand kept me occupied. Now I justhave to get through the next 2 and a half weeks.

It is times like this that I wish I came from a big family and would have lots of people around. It is looking like it is going to be me and Momand Dad for Thanksgiving...I think my brother and his wife will end up going doing Thanksgiving with her family, which means they will be out of town. My cousin and his family will be here and will come over Thursday evening for dessert, but that will be it.

I also need to get all of my Christmas shopping done before Nov.29 in case my chemo wipes me out again as surgery is one week and a day later.

Too much time to think about the surgery....I don't think I have ever been so scared of anything in my life. I try to out on a brave face, but I would be lying if I said I was not scared..

I sure do wish you guys lived closer........

So....

last Thursday I was supposed to get a call from Medicaid to have my phone interview. Obviously this is a difficult enough situation for me to have to even apply for this type of assistance, but due to no hospitalization insurance and having to give up my full time gig for now, I had no choice. And like everyone says.. I have paid into it for all of these years, so why not.

So they never called.. Thursday was not a good day for me pain wise and them blowing  me off did not help. It  took me until Tuesday to get someone on the phone and they tell me that there was NO attempt made by my case worker, but I was missing a pay stub, they would send a message and I should hear something in 48 hours, so I faxed in the missing pay stub (from my part time job) and waited my 48 hours.. nothing. I called back today and of course nothing is showing in the system still. So another message has been sent.

In the mean time... I have to pre-register for my surgery on Tuesday and unless the government changes the way its people communicate I am feeling pretty screwed right now. It takes 45 days to process all of this and I started back in September and am still waiting. This makes the fact that I worked two jobs, neither of which offered health benefits, and this person with a State job has this type of control over my situation no less frustrating. Especially at a time when I have so many other things to be worrying about...like oh maybe my health and my surgery! Ugh.....................

Surgery is set

for December 7, this is a Wednesday, I should be home by Friday. I should be at North Florida Regional, flowers are nice, but a donation to help find a cure would be nicer! But if you insist on flowers, call Betsy and Dave at The Plant Shoppe Florist! It will give them a reason to come visit  and support local business and get more bang for your buck that an online order service!

Find a cure pink is not my color!

Gotta love Dads....

My Dad stopped by to check on me today and was glad to hear I was doing better... I told hime I just keep telling myself only one more time! He said that is what he toldn himself last week when he gsve me my shot last week. I had no odea it really bothered him.. so sweet.

Monday blues...

So the bone pain continues... it is getting a little less each day. I do find that being on hard floors makes it worse. Tried to help fix Mom's birthday dinner yesterday but the tile floors in her kitchen were a bit too much to bear.. so I ended up laid out on the couch.

Was supposed to have a call with the Medicaid office on Thursday at 2 but they never called.. and of course you can never get through on the phone to them so who knows when that will get rescheduled.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the surgeon's office to get my surgery scheduled. Supposed to be the 2nd week of December..hope so I need to be somewhat mobile for Christmas Eve.

I have my last wedding of the year on Saturday.. super sweet couple and it looks like they will have PERFECT weather for an outside ceremony and cocktail hour.

Funky Friday..

So of course since it is 11-11-11 I had a wedding today. The only one that has fallen on a chemo week....and I ended up having to come home. Thankfully there was a wedding planner that was "supposed" to be doing the set-up...some of it was doen upon our arrival...some of it was not....thankfully I work with some fantastic people whogot everything else done.

I am having so much hip and leg pain it is unbeleivable, the wedding was in a barn space and with the cold weather today it was rough....I am so disappointed to not have been able to stay, but I am grateful for my co-workers for being so supportive to me.

I came home and fell into bed to get warm and will be heading back there soon. Tomorrow is my Mom's birthday so I need to rest up!

Thrillless Thursday...

So, I think we have established that the Thursday after chemo pretty much stinks. Was up every 2 hours last night in the bathroom, had a hard time finding food that would go down last night and am in awful pain in my legs today.

As always I am trying to look on the bright side and be happy in the knowledge that I only have to go through this one more time.

Hoping my sweet God daughter Jamie is feeling better.. she had a fever last night and did not make school today. Hopefully the long weekend will help her recover quickly.. I hope nobody else in their house gets it!

Wordless Wednesday.....take 2

Wordless Wednesday.....

Five down and only one more to go.....

and the best news is after 4 treatments my tumor is pretty much gone!!!!! Dr. Carroll could not feel it today at all. So that means my surgery will go much easier for the surgeon and from what I am told my radiation will be easier too.

So the prayers and positive energy are working so keep it up, there is still much to get done!

And thank you as always for checking in on me.... I love you all!

More fun mail

This week brought some more very thoughtful mail.. a super fun card from LeeAnne and some earrings from Cindy!

So nice of people to think of me and send thoughtful things.. it brightens my days for sure.

Not much new this week....sorry to not post very much but things are pretty quiet.

Wordless Wednesday.....

Whirlwind weekend...

Doubleheader for weddings yesterday, two different locations and only 2 hours apart and rain threatened both as they were outside. Fortunately, when it was all over, everyone that was supposed to got married and they both were outside and nobody got wet! Lots of little snafus, but nobody was the wiser and everyone I worked with pulled together as a team and got it all done. My wedding crews are FABULOUS!!!!!

I thought I would be super tired today but I am holding my own. I think staying in Thursday and Friday was smart. Went over to Bella's birth parents and they joined us for puppy cake and celebrations. Then off to the groomers for a good bath and pedicure...and home again. Luckily they were not super busy so it did not take as long as usual. A good thing I think because I was getting a little tired.

No weddings for me for 2 weeks, so this week will be filled with computer work. I have several projects I am working on for a couple of people so I hope to get them all wrapped up before next weeks chemo  (which will be the next to last one!!!). Hoping to hit Gator Growl and maybe meet Joel McHale Friday night.. let's see if Karl pulls it off for me!

Hope everyone has a great week : )

Seriously.......

So I now have a cold (cause I am so out and about to get germs right?) and I had a Dr. appt scheduled yesterday anyway so it worked out. While I am sitting in the waiting room there is a guy there with a service dog...he had a brain injury (yes he told me). He also told me how nice I looked bald and how so many women don't, how MSG had caused my cancer and feeds on it so I should not eat Cheez-Its or Pringles or things like that (which I don't.. not really a chip person) and how there was a cure for cancer in 1938 and that the Dr. who invented it was mocked and how the companies that make the things with the MSG that causes the cancer also make the chemicals they give us to kick the cancer... so it is just a big conspiracy. Ok, so I know he can't help it, but seriously....I had to sit there and listen to it for 25 minutes while waiting for my appointment?!?!?!? Oh yea and he was eating Taco Bell....yes in the waiting room at the Dr. office. Wonder if that had MSG?

So anyway... Bella and I are laying low this week, trying to get better for the weekend. Tim has a game Friday night which I am hoping to go to, I have 2 weddings on Saturday and of course we will be celebrating Bella's birthday on Sunday...hopefully if her Mommy is pregnant she will hold off a bit on giving birth so we can celebrate with our favorite dogs and people! Oh and of course, Trick or Treating Monday night!

Wordless Wednesday.....

Ugh part two...

I guess it is times like these that I am grateful to live near family. I still have no septic system that is functioning. So that means.. no bathroom, no kitchen sink, no dishwasher, no washing machine and basically anything that drains.....thank goodness Mom and Dad live next door!

Hopefully my wonderful brother and father will be able to fix the problem later today.

However thought it would be a good idea to put a filter on a septic tank to keep the "particles" from going into the drain field is a genius NOT! So now the filter has to be removed and washed of said particles....wont they go into the ground then? Sheesh!

Monday madness

One of the joys of living in the country is a septic tank. Mine is currently having problems....whether it is full or just clogged is yet to be determined. Had to go out to the store today and came home just plain beat.

Had to do all kinds of applying for assitance today. It would be nice when they send you the letter they would give you a few days before your deadline... they gave me 3 and I will be the fist to admit that my mind is not fabulous for a good week after chemo, makes mundane computer work difficultfor sure! Thank goodness I know a lawyer who loves me and was able to give me some guidance on this task.

The pain is a bit less today, but still there. Hopefully it will subside in the next day or so.....

The one thing I wonder about is this... Why do people, who I do not know, think it is ok to ask me such personal questions? It does not bother me somuch when I am in the cancer center, I guess because the asker is most likely in a similiar situation.....but the guy carrying out my groceries (I was not at Publix)? He was sweet don't get me wrong... but sheesh!

Weekend Woes...

So yesterday I had a wedding, fortunately it was small and low-key. I was able to sit a lot more than I usually do thanks to those 2 facts. Super sweet bride and groom and the families and friends were as nice as can be.

Still having more bone and joint pain that in the past. I really think this is the fibro and the chemo combined more so than just the chemo.

I am having a true dilemma today.. I am a long time Dolphin fan, since childhood and today they are playing the Broncos and Tebow is starting QB today. While I love him I will be cheering on my Dolphins....I stand behind my Gators always (even the last three weeks) and I will stand behind my Dolphins today too.

Go FISH!!!!!

Funky Friday....

Well it is same old, same old here.....chemo week means, bone pain and food issues. Wednesday was pretty good, but then Thursday brought lots of discomfort and not being able to eat.

Mom made me a hamburger around 8 and I was able to get that down, but awoke this morning with the same feeling. It is not that I am sick to my stomach, it is that I just can't handle the thought of food.

The cold weather is nice, but it is making the discomfort a bit more pronounced. I am trying to take it easy today as I have a wedding tomorrow. I really want to go to "girl's night" with Sue ad the girls, but I am not sure the cold is going to allow it. :(

We shall see......thanks to those who have checked in on me here or at home the past couple of days. I am now officially 2/3 of the way done!

Wordless Wednesday.....

Chemo Tuesday

A prety uneventful day...Dr. appt ran way behind but they got me an hour ahead of schedule for chemo so I was actually done by 4:30.Look like they finally have all my pre-meds worked out so I don't have the reaction anymore...it only takes 4 pre-meds to get to the 2 chemo meds.

The tumor is now down to about 2 cm!!! Dr. feels that it may be totally gone by the time my treatments are done. Mastectomy is still scheduled for the second week of December, surgeon wants me healed by Christmas. Radiation will start about a month after surgery for 6 weeks, daily treatments M-F.

Tomorrow's picture will feature pictre of "Team Denise" that ran in the Run for the Cure in Virginia Beach last weekend. It still makes me cry!

In other news....

I saw the radiation oncologist today to see what will happen after surgery. Looks like 6 weeks of daily radiation treatments starting in mid-January about a month after surgery.

She also felt my tumor had shrunk tremendously, so that was good news too. We will see what Dr. Carroll has to say tomorrow in my appointment prior to chemo.

Looks like that holy water prayer from my baby girls did some good!

Here is a clue folks.....

it is not "bothering" me to call and check on me! If I am laying down, the phone that is in my room has the ringer off, so it does not disturb me. I am kind of sick of people saying that they did not call because they didn't want to bother me. If you have been reading the blog you can tell that I have a rough week and then 2 fairly normalish ones. Sure I am tired, who wouldn't be in my condition? But by not calling (especially when you used too) it says you don't care or can't handle this. If you can;t handle, it just say so... I would understand...... everyone handles illness differently.

I have a friend who I am extremely close to who said to me shortly after my diagnosis.. You know I don't handle these things well and I don't know what to do or say, but know I am here just tell me what I can do.

My outings are limited due to my doctors not wanting me exposed to situations where I may be exposed to lots of germs, due to my immune system being compromised. This is extra important during flu season. So most evenings I am sitting here hanging out with Bella chilling out and watching bad TV. TO those of you that have called me to check on me.... THANK YOU.. it means the world to me.

Today I am humbled..

by Terri and Katie and what they did for me. They participated in Run for the Cure in Virginia on the Oceanfront in my name. Terri has been a dear friend since high school and her daughter has met me twice.. once this past summer when they came to visit and once when she was about 6 when I went to them (and she does not remember that!). Kat finished in a little less than 30 minutes and Terri in 49 minutes...pretty good time for both of them I would say! My only complaint is that they were not close enough for me to go and cheer them on.

I think that is the thing I am struggling with the most is that the friend who offer me the most emotional support are too far away. I will admit that this has been a rough week for me emotionally, I think things are finally hitting me as to what is in store in the next 2 months and that fact that I am dealing with it all pretty much on my own has smacked me in the face this week on many levels. Everyone says "Call me if you need anything" but quite honestly those who really know me know that I don't ask for help and they are the ones calling and emailing and texting me. They are the ones who are telling me "I am off work Tuesday and want to take you to chemo, or bring me lunch during chemo or come visit me during chemo, or calling me in the evenings and letting me vent and checking on me.....and you are the ones I could not do this without and I love all of you so much more for knowing me well enough to do these things. Some of you have known me a long time and some of you a shorter time...but you have me figured out. Just taking those few minutes to send me a text to let me know you are thinking of me means so much. I hope I never have to do these things for any of you, but know that I would.

In other news.. Bella got fixed yesterday and was very stoned last night and a bit hungover today still. She also had a retained baby tooth removed. A quiet weekend in store for both of us.. her recovering and me resting up for me week ahead. On Monday I have the appointment with the radiologist to find out what will be in store after my surgery, which will take place the second week of December. My surgeon says I will be healed up by Christmas, I hope he is right. Now that Bella is fixed she will be able to go stay with her birth parents during my hospital stay. What would I do without my amazing other family the Boehleins?

So I wish everyone a great weekend.. happy camping to the Bryan family and my brother and nephew, Go Gators to all my Gator friends... and happy fall to everyone else!

Wordless Wednesday.....

Wet weekend...

I know we needed the rain, but it can stop any time now! Things are pretty much status quo here. Back on the steroids as of Thursday due to the expected hives returning right on schedule. At least I had the prescription this time and was ready for them.

On the food front I still don't like chicken but seem to be doing ok with beef for now. Although my digestive system is just not happy, which mean slots of loss of sleep these past few days. Have not gone out too much lately.

I did get out for  abit last night to see some of my favorite people to celebrate Emily's birthday.. one more teenager in my life now! I can't believe it.... it was great to have everyone together and catch up for sure.

That is pretty much it from my end of the world... sorry I don't have anything more exciting for you all, but thanks for checking in on me!

Quiet week here....

Not too much going on this week. A few meetings for some weddings at the end of the month and early next year. Doing a bit of cleaning as my energy allows. Picked up the yard a bit this morning while Bella ran around. I was beat after 20 minutes and I guess she was too since she is now sleeping at my feet.

Looking forward to Tim's game tomorrow evening, big rivalry against Oak Hall from what I hear. They have lost a couple of games so I am hoping that by going they will win again! The sweet Emily has a big birthday this weekend.. 13! I can not believe it....it seems not so long ago she was just a sweet little girl. Still sweet but not so little now!

I really need to make a Wal-Mart trip to pick up some household things....thank goodness a slightly decent paycheck is in store tomorrow from my wedding weekend. Trying to figure out the best time to go when it is not so crowded and I can find a cohort to help me out. I am afraid I am going to tired out part way through! It is crazy how low my energy level has become after last week. At a meeting the other night a local florist that I have worked with quite a bit was going on about how much energy I have.. I laughed at her. she has not seen me in action recently that is for sure!

Wordless Wednesday.....

Lots of reflection ....

today is my cousin Addison's birthday.. sadly we lost him when he was 19 in a motorcycle accident. They say the good die young and in his case it is so true. A truly smart, handsome and engaging young man.... I have a picture of him, his brother Cody (who we also lost 6 months later) and his sister Brittney on my fridge and look at them every day. I hope they know how much I love them and miss them every day. Brittney is one strong young lady..and I am so happy that she has found happiness even if it did take her across the country. I feel the same about her Mom, my cousin Kathy, miss them both and love them more than I think they know.

I guess all this nice weather and being able to have the windows open is starting to clear some of the cobwebs from my head.... Just wish I could do something to stop all this thinking sometimes.

It sounds like many of you have had a nice fresh air filled weekend too! Thanks for taking a few to check-in on me!

I miss food...

and the enjoyment it used to bring me. Apparently chicken and I will be parting ways for awhile. Mom went and got Grandy's last night and it sounded really good until it was in front of me and then I choked down 2-3 bites and that was it.

Currently I am thinking of home made applesauce. If I can manage to come up with some apples I may try it.

I have not been out of the house since Wednesday and am a bit shack whacky, but am not sure I have the energy to go anywhere anyway so I guess it doesn't matter much.

My mother is amazing... she has been here every day and has done every stupid little task I have not been able to do for myself. I am not sure what I would do without her.

After 2 days..

without food, I managed to choke down a couple of pancakes this morning. Not sure my stomach is too happy about it, but hopefully soft and spongy will work.

Going to try and plod through some work today and looking forward to the Gator/Bama game tonight!

So sick...

So the past 2 days have been the worst.. My stomach doesn't like me, my legs don't like me and neither does my head for that matter.

Very sad to not be able to make it to Tim's first homecoming football game.

Quite frankly this stinks.

Halfway done........

as I said Tuesday was treatment #3 of 6 planned rounds. Today has been a rough day...feel really tired and sick. I can honestly say that this is the worst I have felt yet. I spent most of the day in bed trying to rest.

Poor Bella is so restless..she has been really good overall, but she needs some play timethat I just can not give her these past couple of days.

That really is about it for now.

Wordless Wednesday.....

Half way done!

I am now officially halfway done with my chemo treatments. Another reaction today so that means I now have to have Benadryl and get that medicine really low so my average time will now be 5 hours for what should normally be a 3 hours treatment. But it is working so I won't complain. The tumor shrunk another centimeter so it is now half of its original size and flat instead shaped like a golf ball.

My friend Beth was my driver and "nurse" today.. so good to spend some time catching up with her. It is amazing how you can have a job for 2 months and make a friend like that. And my cousin Eileen stopped by for a little bit to visit too...so much love today for sure!

Super tired from the Benadryl so I am going to check out now.. wordless Wednesday tomorrow will feature my Oncologist Dr. Carroll. He is the best!

Monday.....

and so much to do and absolutely NO energy to do it! Tomorrow is chemo day and I normally spend the 2 days before getting all the laundry done, cleaning the house, changing the bed linens and all of that kind of stuff. Since I actually worked this weekend (which I am not complaining about since money is so tight right now) I am extra tired and have extra laundry to do too.

Also, I really want to go see Emily's volleyball game today since I did not make it last week and won't make it Wednesday I am sure. She is starting to play now so I have to see the "Spiked Ziti" in action!

Enough blogging for now.. have to start being productive!

and....the funniest part of the day....

Was when Abbey (Betsy's daughter and one of my "kids") saw me for the first time without hair...I asked her what she thought.. her response "I don't like it!" So I showed her my wig.... and asked Is this better.. her reply. "No!" I did finally get a hug but I did have to assure her it would grow back after Christmas!

Gotta love a kid who is honest to a fault!

Oh and a little Advil and the fever came right down.. now I am off to bed!

Wild weekend

OK, so I may have over done it just a little.. I have a low fever :(

But both weddings went off without a hitch and both brides were so happy. I have to talk about today's wedding a little bit. I met this couple and the bride's Aunt (who was gifting them their reception) in late June/early July. In all the weddings I have done I have not cried.. until today. When I spoke with the bride shortly after my diagnosis, she shared with me that she had lost her mother to breast cancer as a child. Then she went on to tell me that her step-mother is a survivor and dyed her hair pink in support! Today I found out that the groom had previously married and had lost his wife to Lukemia, this is when I cried.

Most of their planning was done through August when I was beginning my treatment and dealing with the lack of brain function and adjusting to all the changes in my life. As they live in the DC area, she needed some help with centerpieces and this had to be done via email. I initially thought I was going to be able to do them a bit more than I was able to in the long run. Enter Betsy....my boss, my friend and the most amazing florist around.  She swooped in on very short notice and created exactly what the bride had in mind, without knowing exactly what she wanted...so if you are in Gainesville or not and have plant of floral needs call The Plant Shoppe Florist.. but please don't wait until the last minute. You can even call from out of the area and have things delivered locally and you get much more bang for your buck than using a wire service or internet service!

When it came time to cut the cake, the bride turned to me and said are you going to take the wig off and be comfortable or not? So off came the hair and in this amazing group of families who have been through so much.. nobody batted an eye! Not so much the case the night before.

I am happy with my wig, but it is a bit hot and scratchy!If you want to check out pictures, check out Chef Brothers facebook page!

Off I go, hopefully the Advil will kick in quickly as my Dr. does not want me anywhere near an ER!

What a great day!

I went to see the wonderful Laurie and she smoothed out my stubble and got my wig all straightened out for me. Came home and frosted some cupcakes for a visit tonight. Go to see one of my all time favorite people.. Dave tonight and finally meet his beautiful wife and sweet daughter. Rick was kind enough to play host for the evening for his house guests and lots of catching up, laughter and new friends were made... not to mention lots of kids running around. A Happy household for sure with old and new friends.

So nice to go out and feel almost normal again... and I did not wear a hat or a wig and nobody batted an eye! Those are friends for sure. So to Dave, Rick and Penny... thanks for the invite and let's not make it so long before we do it again!

Busy weekend ahead so don't worry if you do not hear from me!

Friends.....

Those of you that know me know that I have a hard time asking for help.. I will accept it when offered, but it is not in my nature to ask. I am grateful to those friends of mine who have been there for me so much through all of this. I just wish you were closer physically. I will admit I am feeling a bit lonely lately ... not the norm for me at all.

I have to give some major props to Laurie... she took me to my first chemo appointment, shaved my head when the time came, listens to me whenever I need her and today she will be finishing off the stubble and maybe tweaking my wig a bit too. I do not know what I would do without her.. or any of you who have been calling and checking in on me, sending GREAT cards in the mail and commenting here.

Ok gotta shake off this funk and get outta here!

Happy Friday everyone!

Food issues

Ok so one of the things I am struggling with is tasting food. The chemo has shot my taste buds to maybe 20%. So I have to find food with lots of flavor to be able to enjoy it. This causes me to want really weird things like: Wendy's spicy chicken sandwiches, enchiladas (home made by me which I want right now but am too tired to fix) and the awesome tilapia that my Mom makes oh and the walnut and rosemary encrusted chicken over angel hair pasta with mushrooms and cream sauce and some garlic rolls from Leonardo's 706...which is NOT right down the street........sigh........

Busy. busy week...

Has been rolling along nicely. After three nights of little to know sleep I actually got some last night, but woke up with stomach issues this morning.. hopefully I will be able to get out of here soon and make it to a noon time meeting.

Yesterday's pictures included two of my favorite baldies! The big guy is Fred from Dream Day Cakes and the little guy is sweet little Andrew.. son of Betsy of The Plant Shoppe Florist. I must say that they are both some of the best medicine out there! I will work on a picture in the wig....probably after the weekend.


Just about everything is done for my weddings this weekend. I am so happy to have some work to do again. But I am grateful that I was able to have the time to deal with my health issues during what ended up being a quiet time for me wedding wise. I also have a few computer and paperwork related projects to work on during next week when I am in my chemo funk, so that will help. I also picked up a couple of new weddings this week!

Did not make it Emily's volleyball games this week due to work stuff and her family still carrying some germs around. I would say that is the hardest part of all of this.. having to stay away from people who are sick. Especially when they are people I love and enjoy being around. Speaking of that.. tomorrow evening I am going to get to spend a little time with one of my old friends who I met when I worked at the dental school and he was a student. He and his wife and little girl will be in town visiting and I can not to meet the women who tamed this crazy guy!!!! Well maybe not tamed, but pinned him down I guess.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Wordless Wednesday

Today I bought a wig...

and I am surprised at how happy I am with how close it looks to my former hairdo... slightly darker but darn close! Once L:aurie tweeks it a little I am sure it will be great!

Tomorrow's wordless Wednesday will feature my bald head and 2 of my favorite bald guys!

Insomnia......

is the latest issue in my life. Bella just moves from room to room with me.. as long as she can put her head on my foot if I am sitting in a chair, she can sleep.... I wish it was that easy for me. Last night was 2:00 am, and tonight I am quickly approaching 1:00 am. Yuck.

Did have some good snuggle time with the sweet little Andrew and a surprise visit while at The Shoppe from my other favorite bald guy.. Fred... wait until you see the wordless Wednesday this week!

That's all for now.. gotta get the puggie off my foot and head back to bed.

Tomorrow...

Will be the beginning of the busiest week since this has all begun. Going to go into the florist tomorrow and do some work.Although due to the chemicals I can not play with the flowers and plants very much, I CAN help get caught upon some paper and computer work. It will be nice to go and do something useful and "work like"again. And of course Monday means Emily has a voleyball game.

Tuesday I have a teeth cleaning appointment at the office of the wonderful Dr. Meg Romeo..and prior to that I will be heading to Jacksonville to buy a wig... I know, I know.. this is not something I really thought I would do, but I have decide that it is a good idea to have one to wear to my weddings. Although all of my bride and grooms are aware of my health issues (and have been so beyond understanding) I feel that a bald chick would be a distraction for people and thatis the LAST thing I want on their day. So wig shopping I will go. Hopefully I willbe able to find something close to my natural hair. There is the large boutique in Jacksonville that caters to chemo patients and appear to have a huge selection...cross your fingers!

Wednesday and Thursday have nothin firm yet with the exception of volleyball game #2 for Emily this week.
But there will be wedding prep in there too since I have not 1 but 2 weddings this weekend. SoFriday will be set-up for Saturday's wedding and I have a fewprojects for Sunday's wedding.

Wow, that sounds almost like a normal schedule. Looking forward to it and will justhave to remember to pace myself! What will Bella do without me all day?

Next Tuesday willbe chemo #3 and then it will be halfway over!!!! WooHoo!

Thanks for all the thoughts prayers, cards and emails!

Steroids....

mean I am hungry..... luckily theother 2 weeks I am not hungry much so I guess it will balance out. Football Saturday means football food... I am looing at a sugar free chocolate cherry crock pot cake... and some yummy 7 layer nacho dip.. cheesy, meaty, veggie goodness.

Hoping my Gators don't let me down today and wishing I could go footballin with the Boehleins but since there is sickness running around their house it is home I stay.

GO GATORS!!!!

Chemo Sucks....

the cancer out of you.. so Yay Chemo!  That was the message on a card I received today from my girl B-Dub! LOVE IT!!!!!

In other news.. the hives are coming back, so back on the steroids I went today...apparently this is going to be my side effect....ugh!

Go Gators!!!!

Quiet week....

Been a pretty quiet week here. Been getting caught up on some work as my head as felt pretty clear for a change. Doing a couple of computer projects as a side job.. so I am at least feeling productive. Bella is getting too used to me being home and now when I am gone for any length of time she is out of control when I come home. Nice to know I am loved I guess.

Something to keep in mind, especially for those of you who know me well. I do not ASK for things.. I am learning to accept offers when they are extended but have always been pretty independent so asking is not in my nature. Also, if you want to insure I get a message, please email me directly. Either here, yahoo or a facebook email is best.

No football game for the boy this week as he is sick :(    However the "Spiked Ziti" Emily was in action twice this week in volleyball and I made it to both games.. lost one won one.. so off to a good start. Hoping my other family gets well soon so we can football with the Gators tomorrow!

Wordless Wednesday.....

What Cancer Cannot do!

Cancer is so limited
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corral faith
It cannot eat away peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot shut out memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot reduce eternal life
It cannot quench the spirit
It cannot lessen the power of resurrection

More mail.....

I am also a little behind on talking about all of the wonderful things I have received in the mail.

This week brought the most amazing gift from a group at my best buddy Laura's church. They have a group who puts together "chemo caddies" for chemo patients. It is full of the most amazing assortment of things.. I am sure I have still not uncovered everything but it is a tote bag (handmade with a personalized name tag inside) mine is orange (of course) it had a blanket, a neck pillow, candy, gum, slipper socks, game books, colored pencils, a smaller bag with all kind of lotions and toiletries in it, some earrings (blue!), a journal, a hand crocheted prayer pocket with some inspirational messages, notepads, drink mixes, thank you cards, the list is endless. What an amazing gift from people who don't even know me. And I thank you Laura for submitting me for it.. I love you so much.

I also received an assortment of card and an envelope full of fun scarves, I think these are from my Aunt as they were mailed locally and came the same day as some cards from her too.

Been having lots of bone pain this weekend, so Bella and I are taking it easy today so we can go out tomorrow. The groomers for her and my sweet Emily's first middle school volleyball game tomorrow afternoon. So excited to see her play. I need my rest to cheer on all of my athletes! I am so lucky to have them in my life. They are a big reason for me to keep fighting.

And of course, I can not let today go by without remembering 9/11....there are just no words. But I will send a thank you to Randy..Laura's husband..who still serves in the reserves and left his family to serve in Afghanistan for all of the freedoms we enjoy every day.

Catching up...

So Thursday I was able to get most of the decorations done for the St. Francis High School tuition assitance fund raising dinner. Then on Friday I was able to spend a whole hour catching up with Betsy and snuggling the sweet little Andrew.. he is the best medicine for sure! Stopped by the school and finished the flowers for the centerpieces and then home.

Bella is not cooperating with my need for a nap when I want them. The poor little thing is not getting enough play timewith Mom being so tired. She is getting a little pudgy too...but still not like her birth Mom!

Did not get to see Tim play on Thursday night, but he was sweet enough to send me a link so I could see it on video... the kid has some potential building up.,. and I am so proud! Love being a football pseudo "mom".

Made it through the dinnner last night, but I was only able to sit at the table and not walk around much do to the pain in my knees and hips. Lots of well wishes from so many people who care about me made it all worth while. It was my first public outing since this all began where I knew a lot of people.

I am even sitting here at work today babysitting an event for the morning, while my friend Rob checks my brakes for me. How come when you need it least your car decides to have multiple issues? Thankfully I am lucky to have a car friendly friend who takes good care of me.

Think I will have a quiet rest of the weekend once I am done here.. looking forward to Gator football tonight of course!

Today is the day to be tired..

So apparently day 2 after chemo is going to be my.. OMG I am so tired day. But reading the comment from my dear friend Terri about her daughter wanting to run for the cure in my honor this year made me cry. Katie has to be one of the sweetest kids I know.. especially since she has met me exactly twice in her life and doesn't remember the first time as she was quite young.

My friendship with Terri is proof positive that sometimes the best of friends are the ones we do not see or talk to daily, but they are the ones who are always there in a pinch. Of course, Laura is a great example of this too. Not that my daily friends suck that is for sure. I am so blessed to have all of you in my life and don't think i don't appreciate it!

I am off to St. Francis high School soon to oversee the decor for the tuition assistance dinner tomorrow night. Don't worry, I won't overdo... they have a chair for me to sit in and direct from and some rope in case I try to get out of it. It is doubtful I will make Tim's game tonight though, gotta save my strength for tomorrow night!

I left out a very important piece of info!

The tumor has shrunk 3 cm after the first treatment!

Feeling pretty good this morning, going to go do a couple of very small errands, then come back home for a rest.

Thanks for all of the prayers and positive thoughts, it is obviously working!

Marathon of a day for sure!

So my oncologist appointment was at 10 am. I was called back to the room at 11:05 and the Dr finally came in at 11:45. I had chemo at noon. Needless to say I was late. Had planned on lunch in between, that didn't happen.
First bag finally started flowing at 2:00, had an awful reaction to the first medicine they gave me, so they had to give me some other meds and then restart the first med at a slower drip. The IV came out at 8:30 PM and I was able to go home...yes 10 1/2 hours for a 2 hour chemo appointment. But I was rocking my pink John Deere hat soo it was all good!

I did meet a really cool lady today, who actually knows my brother-in-laws law partner in Winter Springs... Small world for sure. Today I was in a small room with just one other person so it was nice that she was pleasant but not over bearingley so. We were even reading the same book!

Needless to say I am beat so am going to have some food and go to bed... if I can Bella to calm down. She missed me today for sure.

Thanks for checking on me!

Labor Day....

So since tomorrow is chemo day #2 I got my house all cleaned up yesterday I decided today would be my day. So I went and loaded my car full of linens for a charity event his coming weekend and then went to Michale's (where lots of little kids stared at me) and had a very nice chat with a lovely lady who was buying lots of soft looking yarn, so I inquired was she crocheting or knitting, as I was thinking of taking up crocheting to make myself some winter hats. I sure wished I had paid more attention when I was younger and my Grandmother tried to teach me. It is amazing how a bald head opens up doors for complete strangers to ask you what kind of cancer you have. Surprisingly, it does not bother me.. I guess I would rather they ask than stare.

Then I went and saw "The Help" I had a $4 fandango ticket and a free popcorn, so including my drink I paid $8.75 and saw a movie and had popcorn and a drink.. not bad! Excellent movie for sure.. I have the book on Audible on my phone thanks to Laurie, so I think I will listen to it tomorrow while they poison me. ; )

Wen to the folks for a family dinner... my youngest nephew Nick did not even bat an eye at my lack of hair... you gotta love the innocence of kids!

So we shall see how I make out tomorrow.... Dad is taking me to my oncology appointment in the AM then leaving me to the treatment and will come back and pick me up. So if anyone is around Shands tomorrow at noonish... I will be over in the infusion center at the cancer center.. feel free to stop by and visit I will be there for 2-3 hours!

Thanks for checking in and I hope everyone had a great Labor Day!

Hmmmmmm....

I am having a hard time coming up with anything these past couple of days... things are kind of in a holding pattern until the next chemo which is Tuesday. Not feeling good or bad, just tired really. Trying to get all of the "chores" done before this week since I will most likely be wiped out for a few days again. Would be easier if I had not slammed my finger in the door Friday. Feels (and looks) like the tip of it is broken.. makes typing and washing dishes a bit hard. It is a lovely shade of purple though. : )

Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday weekend, or at least part of it!


And of course.. Go Gators!!!!

What I learned today.....

1. It takes so much less time to get ready to go somewhere when you do not have to do your hair!

2. Make-up is important.

Tonight is football night... home game, can't wait!

Had to make a 3rd post today....

The last one I made right after Laurie shaved the hair. I arrived home to yet another box of goodies from another long lost friend from high school. This is probably the thing I am most grateful for is the reconnecting of friend that facebook has brought to me and I want to thank you all for respecting my wishes to keep it off of there. After all it is social media and this is my life.

So onto my latest fun hats (and the timing was perfect!) four.. not just one but FOUR cool John Deere hats! Cause we all know I am a country girl at heart and was probably in the FFA with the sender of the hats Rob Lightsey. There is a pink visor, a pink hat, a pink and camo hat and an all camo hat.. all just as cool as the next! So to Ron and his wife Michelle I send you a public thank you (to go with the private one I already sent). I will probably wear one to work tomorrow!

Love you all and I hope you will all love my baldness once you see it! Maybe I will take a picture at the game tomorrow night with my best ball player!

Well, it is officially gone!

My hair that is...it kept coming out in bigger and bigger hand fulls as the week went on so It is now in its final resting place inside the vacuum dustpan at Laurie's shop. Not sure how I would have gotten through the process if I did not have a friend to shave it for me. So now I am rocking a blue head wrap and a head full of slpotchy stubble. I will say it was not as bad as I thought it would be and we did try a mohawk but it was not a good look for me (sorry Fred that hair style can be all you!).

Wordless Wednesday.....

As much as you try and prepare yourself....

there is no way to be ready for the clumps appearing on the comb when you get out of the shower. Thank Goodness my wonderful friend Laurie is also my hairdresser and she is going to come cut me into a shorter do.

Monday part 2

So the appointment with the surgeon was a relief. They are going to continue with their original plan of action, This is 6 rounds of chemo, 3 weeks apart, followed by surgery, most likely in December which will be a right mastectomy and removal of lymph nodes and then the oncologist will decide if I will need more chemo and/or radiation.

Thankfully that was my last appointment until next Tuesday when I see the oncologist again and have chemo #2. So now as long as these darn hives go away maybe I can get something done in the next few days!

Ugh...........

It is the only word I can come up with. Ended up at the ER last night due to the hives, left after 2 hours of not being seen and saw my GP this morning..so as if my body is not jacked up enough from all of this crap I am now on steroids and a prescription strength anti-itch something.

Got a nice email just a few minutes ago from Betsy.. it is nice to know I was missed yesterday and to know the bridal show went well. I know the pictures are not doing it justice, hoping I can get over there tomorrow and see everyone and maybe some leftovers.

Off to Dr. #2 and hoping that by the time it is over I will know which way I am heading treatment wise. Hate not being able to put make-up on, but yes.. the hives are on my face too :(

OK.. everyone together now.. cross your fingers and send up some prayers between now and 5!

No Fun Sunday..........

All I wanted to do today was go to the bridal show for a little while and see everyone and then pop over to the Lacrosse banquet and take some pictures.

I do not think that was asking too much.. however... the hives that are covering my body .. and I do mean covering.. are going to keep me home today. They are even on my face.

This whole prisoner in my own home thing is going to get old really, really quick.

Yep, I guess it was too much...

tried to work today, made it 30 minutes. Did make it in to take my football players boy for a congratulatory dinner for his first high school football game. Of course my dinner is in a box in the fridge but he enjoyed his and that is all that I care about.

Had real food issues today, as in didn't want any of it and felt like if I did it would not stay around. Managed some soup and a breadstick for dinner, with a nausea pill as an appetizer.

Hoping to make it out to the bridal show for at least a little while tomorrow, but not making any promises as of now.

Good night!

What a day......

I may have overdone it, but I don't care. I got to see my boy play in his first high school football game! IT came at the end of the game and it was only 2 plays and it was in the rain and I don't care! It was SO WORTH IT!! I am so proud of him for sticking it out and paying attention and being all the things that I love him for.

Got home and heard this song (you may have to copy and paste it) : 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxIt70j_SPk
I cried pretty hard and realized that you are all loving me through this and that is what will get me through this.

Got some fabulous gifts in the mail today from my "little sister" Laure who is better than a real sister because she chooses to love me and doesn't have to because we do not share any blood lines. Pictures to follow.
Now it is late and I am about to pass out... goodnight all!

Six whole hours!

of work today.. I feel so accomplished, however I am beat, so power nap before football tonight.

It's Friday!

Looking forward to attending Tim's first high school football game tonight, hoping for a normal feeling day. Dad picking me up shortly to go get my car from the mechanic and then off to work to try and get all the stuff done that I did not get done yesterday.

Wish me luck!

First the good news......

Bella and I headed out bright and early , our first stop was Turkey Creek (where I work) to check on a project and see what supplies I would need. As I was pulling in I got a call from the wonderful Coleen telling me she looked up my scans from Tuesday and nothing has spread.. so what a great way to start the day!


Second stop was to be the groomers so Bella could get all nice and clean while I got what I needed for my project...well then the car died. So we left Turkey Creek in a tow truck with my car on the back. Off the the mechanic, where the car remains, sister-in-law came and got us and home we are.

Two minutes after arriving home, the surgeon's office called with my biopsy results: Invasive Infultary ductal carcinoma... stage 3....  please come in on Monday and talk to Dr. D, so he can go over your options, we would like to get you on the schedule for surgery next week. Please do not ask me what that all means as I am not completely sure at this point.

Right now I am feeling very overwhelmed and emotional... I appreciate the emails from everyone but to be honest, one of the main reason I started this blog was so that I could have one place for people to go for information and did not have to keep answering individual emails repeatedly. So if you have messaged me on facebook or sent me an email, please know that I have read it and I appreciate it more than you will know.. but I just plain do not have the energy to reply sometimes...in addition to being physically wiped out some days, this is emotionally draining in a way I can not explain.

So until Monday, I really do not have any more answers and it sounds like I will be making a lot of decisions then as well. Until then, keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming my way and know that I love and appreciate you all very much.

xoxoxo,
D

Who would have ever thought....

I would become a morning person?! I am not sure that my whole outlook on mornings has changed, I think it is more that I am up and moving so I better go get something done before I tucker out!

So off I go to see if I can be a little more productive today.. got a few things done yesterday, lets see what will happen today!

Minor bump in the road.....

So as part of my process, I have to take my temperature morning and evening. Last night it slowly went up to 101.0 If it hits 100.4 I am supposed to call, which I did at 100.6, of course the on call person recommended I go to the ER. Well, me being me, I opted not to do so. I monitored it every 30 minutes and by 11:00 it was back down in the 99s.

Thank goodness, I really do not want to be one of those over reacting people who runs to the hospital at every little thing. With all of the testing yesterday I think it probably just had something to do with a minor reaction to all of the stuff they added to my system. Cross your fingers!

Human pin cusion....

that is what I will be now answering to. The WORST sticks ever to get a little bit of contrast dye into me for CAT scans. 5 sticks!!! Ouch is really all I can say. However Ron who did my bone scan was amazing!

Still waiting to find out biopsy results, hopefully tomorrow. Found out that I share a surgeon with "Ma" as we affectionately call her...such a small world sometimes.

Going to go take a little nap with the Queen B.. might write more later. Thanks for checking in on me!

Fibro and Chemo....

do not play well together, at this point I think they are fighting for domination.

I have admitted defeat and will not be driving myself for my scans tomorrow. I am sure the other drivers on the road will appreciate this.

My knees, hips and shoulders are so not happy.

Thanks for all the notes and for keeping up with me here......

Hmmmmmm....

Well now my nephew knows that his Aunt Denise has cancer.. well the one that is old enough to understand does. I think that was scarier for me than any of this. All of my "boys" (brother and 2 nephews) came by today. Chuck hooked up my DVD player....guess I will have to find some movies now.

Nick and Robbie had lots of hugs for me, this is a new thing with Nick, he used to run and hide from me. Thank goodness he overcame that!

Made a trip to work to turn in my time card and a stop at Publix for some supplies. Took every ounce of energy I had for sure. Even got caught up on some contracts for work, the chemo brain thing is no joke that's for sure. I am grateful to be able to work from home at at least one of my jobs. I do miss going to the florist every day though...I miss the simple task of watering the plants...seeing my co-workers and playing with Andrew so Betsy can get some work done. I am going to have to go by for a visit this week for sure.

Tuesday brings the rescheduled day of scans, so I think tomorrow will be a work at home day and finish getting caught up on paperwork. Two more contracts to go and I will feel officially caught up.

Hoping Karl has a good day at Mayo tomorrow and things will keep plugging along.

Thanks for the comments, card that have come via snail mail, thoughts and prayers.. they do mean a lot.

So I didn't make it.....

took some Advil.. the knees are just not loving life. I have done 3 loads of laundry, some dishes, two work proposals and cleaned out the freezer. I am now exhausted! Going to take a ride up to work in a little while to turn in my time card and so Bella and I can get out of the house. I think I will stick to the back roads just to be safe.

I am so tired of sitting in this house......

but not being strong enough to operate my car really sucks. I was not able to go to Hold Em for Hope last night for this reason. I am sick of TV and my DVR is almost empty.

Oh and FYI texting is a bit difficult at the moment, those buttons are pretty small. I appreciate the messages but if you want me to respond, calling my house phone is probably best.  I am trying to get through today without any medication (not that what I have is helping) wish me luck!

Well this kind of sucks....

.... I just want a day where I can go do something normal without it taking every ounce of energy that I have. I do not know the last time I slept so much. I know my body needs it and all of that but not being able to go get in my car and take flowers up to work today sucked. Thank goodness for good ole' Mom.

Wish I could get comfortable..

Been up since 3:00, can't seem to find a comfortable place or position. The discomfort in my joints and bones from the chemo is making itself known for sure. Not sure how to explain it or how to make it better.

A humbling day...

So the bone pain they warned me about hit big time today. I have been able to hold the nausea at bay with the medication and crackers and soup. Mom brought some G2 and Advil on the way home and made me an omelet too. Not sure what I would do without her and my Dad right now.

It is so hard for me to ask people to do things for me after being on my own for so long, but I guess I am going to have to learn to get used to it.

Bella has been an angel today, kept me company in bed, I can tell she is trying to protect me that is for sure.

Dad will give me my shot tonight and hopefully that will help with the bone pain. Cross your fingers.

No Shands for me today......

The nausea has hit.... so the all day scanfest has been cancelled and I am heading back to a horizontal position.

But I saw this on a friends facebook status and thought it was perfect to share here.

Friends are like underwear... Some crawl up your butt. Some snap under pressure. Some don't have the strength to hold you up. Some get a little twisted. Some are your favorite. Some are holy. Some are cheap. Some are naughty. And some actually cover your butt when you need them to. Re-post this for all the friends you know and love, give them a laugh today! [I truly have the best friends on the planet! You know who you are!]

Learned somethign today about the blog world

Apparently there is something called wordless Wednesday, so on Wednesday from here on out I will only be posting a picture.

I am learning as I go!

I went to work for a grand total of 2 hours today.. now I am tired and queasy so I think a nausea pill and nap are in my future!

Good mornnig take 2....

Just woke back up after my second round of sleep today. looks like tiredness is the after effect for me this week. Going to get in the shower and head into work for a 2:00 meeting and then I think I will return home for work from here. Just don't have too much energy to drag too much stuff down there today.

I received a nice message from a dear friend from school this morning. I would like to share them with you.

I refuse to preach to my friends because you don't really need to hear another sermon as folks preach to you all the time whether their sermons are Bible based or not. However, I have found that Bible verses provide some encouragement. Therefore, I have sent you a couple today and will from time to time. I hope they help. The Apostle Paul wrote these words from the book of
Philippians 4: 6 - 7...(6)" Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; (7) and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus

Up a little early....

but just to take a nausea pill. The good news is I have not been sick yet! But I am super tired and fatigued. Hard to do simple things like lift a pack of water bottles to put some in the fridge to quench my ridiculous thirst.

Yesterday was made so much easier by having my great friend Lauri there with me.. she took my last minute melt down in stride and still loved me and helped me through the day. There is nothing I can do to thank her enough for her being there today. Also a visit about half way through from my friend Kim (who I don't talk to enough but is still a bestie) when she finished up with work made more than happy.

Next time I know to bring... snacks..drinks and a nice soft blankie,

Bella just came in to tell me it is time to go back to bed.. so off I go. 

1 down.. 5 to go...

First chemo down, only 5 more to go. It was really not so bad.. I am sure the Atavan they gave me to start with was a tremendous help. I took some anti nausea meds when I got home and ate a patty melt, so far so good.

I am feeling kind of tired but at this point that is really the worst of it. Cross your fingers it stays this way.. I actually feel a little stoned. : )

It amazes me the lack of privacy you have at this point, people watching you get your treatments, people in the elevator asking you what type you have.....sad to say there are many worse then me, so I will take my treatments, lose my hair and buy some scarfs and hats.....I will take it, because I will get better.


Good night for now.... xoxoxoxoxox
Denise

And away we go....

Well, Lauri just knocked on the door so I gues it is time. I am wondering why I had a voice mail from the infusion scheduler when I got home though.... Could they be rescheduling? That would stink in more ways than one. Ok off I go with my ice pack!

Chemo day...

Today is my first treatment... I came to work this morning and it is a great distraction I will say. I will admit to a bit of discopmfort from yesterday's biopsy but nothing I can't handle. I will probably get the ice pack out when I get home before Lauri picks me up to go to Shands.

I guess I need to finish reading all of this stuff theygaveme and told me to read before 2:00 today...I know, I know.. been putting it off. But my theoryis the later I read it the less it will freak me out.

Been a productive morning here and hopefully I can return tomorrow for the people that want to come by and take a look at some glassware and centerpieces. But if not everything is here for them to  look at including a prototype for one event on Saturday.

On that note, we are hosting an event Saturday night called Hold 'Em for Hope, it is a breast cancer fund raiser. If anyone would like to buy a ticket or make a donation please let me know and I will put you in touch with the organizers.

Thanks!

The mail...

Today the mail came and brought me some envelopes full of goodies... I am wondering who they came from. Some pick bracelets...let me know if anyone wants one... there are plenty to share! and a window cling and license plate frame that say "Fight Like a Girl". So whoever sent them.. thank you.. I LOVE it all!


After a good nap following my biopsy I am awake and moving around. Some burning in the area but overall not too bad. I know there will be ice packs in my future for the evening, but apart from the bruising I am hoping it won't be so bad. Tomorrow is my first Chemo treatment so let's keep our fingers crossed that it goes as smoothly as this did today.

PS.. if you ever have to have anything like this done.. Dr. Ware and his staff are wonderful!

well that was interesting...

Home from my biopsy, not as bad as I was expecting, however the numbing is wearing off so I will take their advice and take some meds and lay down now......

5:30 again.. really?

I have not seen 5:30 am so consistently in many years...maybe since the days of UAA golf tournaments? I wish I was seeing it for the same reasons. Lunesta is my friend but with early morning appointments I can't take it some nights. Last night was filled with nightmares of the uncertainty of what is going to happen at each new appointment this week.. there are 4 in 3 days and hopefully as each one takes place I will have a better understanding of what is to come. Oh and of course there is that stack of reading still to complete before 1:00 tomorrow afternoon!

Diagnosis to treatment in 11 days....

I was diagnosed on 8-4-11, I will have my first "procedure" tomorrow 8-15-11. I am not sure if I should be happy things are happening so fast or scared that they are happening so fast. I guess I have no choice but to embrace it either way.


Today I had a work function and got lots of encouragement from my coworkers... some of them I know well and work with often, some of them not so often.. but the support and encouraging words in the forms of texts and hugs means more to me than any of them know. Also, the normalcy in which they were with me today was wonderful and welcome today to keep my mind occupied.

I then and went and met some friends, who I also do not see often as they do not live in my town, for a quick bite and was again reminded that some of the people who love me the most and are showing me the most support are the ones I may not see or speak to regularly. Sadly, some of the ones I thought would really show me the love have been noticeably absent.  I understand that it is a lot to handle and if you can't just let me know.. I will understand and know that you are there for me in whatever way you can handle.

My Mom and Dad have had the difficult job of letting family know of my situation....some of them I am close to, some of them I used to be close to.. I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt that it is taking cancer to make them want to call me. 

Everyone keeps telling me I am a strong person and I will beat this.. and I think.. no I KNOW that I will. But I am so tired and feel so weak when I get home after what I used to consider a normal day.  In some ways it is nice to know that there is a reason I have felt this way for the past few months and do not have to put on my "everything's fine" face.

I think I need to try and sleep now.. 4:30 am came way too early this morning and I have a feeling it will come again tomorrow. Good night for now and don't be surprised if another post comes tonight if sleep doesn't.

Way too early!

I am up way too early this morning to get ready for work. I am not going to complain though, because I am so grateful to have something to keep me busy today. Although I am sure I could find plenty to do in this house to keep me busy! Being around people will be so much better for me though.... even have a bridal meeting today at the brunch. Normalcy is good... maybe if I say (type) it enough it will be true.

The meaning behind the name of my blog.....

My blog is named such because the day I bought "the hat" was symbolic of me realizing just what was in store for me in the next few months. The simple act was a big personal step for me because while i do not consider myself vain, I do consider my hair one of my best qualities and I will miss it. But please.. no wigs.. this is why "I bought a hat!"

One more day.....

Monday morning I will go for my biopsy.. Tuesday afternoon I will have my first chemo treatment and Thursday I will spend the day at the hospital having bone density and CAT scans done. Whew! I get tired typing it, can't imagine how I will feel on Friday. Luckily I have a function tomorrow to keep me occupied and a late lunch with friends afterwards....maybe even some take out sushi on my way home for later since I can not eat Monday morning and doubtful my nerves will let me on Tuesday. So one more day and the process of treatment begins!

One week in

Well, I am one week in to my diagnosis of breast cancer. I have not cried in the last two days... and I bought a hat! More to come later, but I wanted to get started.