What a weekend...

Ended up being a crazy busy weekend.. luckily I have a pretty calm 3 weeks ahead to catch up and rest.

Going to go to a support group tonight. See if it will help me wrap my head around some of this mental stuff. Saw my general practitioner today and he agrees it is a good idea. I also have some physical stuff going on, which we are going to try and work through.

Tomorrow I see the oncologist for some end of treatment follow-ups so I will update more soon.

I saw this today....

"I tell people that I learned more about life, love, and beauty from losing my breasts than I ever did by having them." 

 and it made me think.

I will admit that I have had a rough week or 2. I think I have tried to hard to be "normal" again and the fact is, I am not. Sure I have hair and can make jokes about having only one breast, but the fact of the matter is.. it sucks. I have what amounts to a crew cut none of my clothes fit properly and some days I can not lift my arm. 

 I can not get completely dressed by myself anymore, I need help with my sleeve and  for now a bra on those days when I need to wear a prosthetic and since my night garment had to go back for adjustments I am back to having to have mom come over and wrap my arm every night before bed, which means my productivity stops at 9 pm again. 

For someone who has been fiercely independent for 25+ years, this is difficult. 

My Mom related part of a conversation she and my Dad had and he said it best "She has had a life changing experience and she needs to adjust to that.

So Monday evening I will be heading out to my first support group meeting. I hope it helps.. something needs to.

Thanks for checking in on me, sorry I have not been posting more regularly but I have been trying to figure things out.

Who knew....

post treatment care would be more difficult that the actual treatment?

I am so far past frustrated right now it is crazy. I try to do some work and maybe get back to some sense of normal and it sets me back three days, which keeps me from being productive and working and having an income.

In addition to all of the things I had to buy for my arm (almost $1100) I now need to get a particular kind of mastectomy bra that is also not covered.. to the tune of almost $100 and that is just for 1...so I guess I will have to was it every night?

I am more frustrated and feel more run down than I did during chemo..... I really miss my old independent life. I just want to be able to get up in the morning, do my job and have some sense of normalcy.......sigh.

Sigh........

some days I wonder if maybe I should have just curled up in that back 9 months ago and shut the world out. Maybe it would have been easier to not try and keep working and having some sense of normal through all of this. I know I am not that kind of person, but I wonder if it would have made people realize I really am sick. Maybe I should have bitched and complained more about it but there are so many people worse off than I am that I just could not do that.
I have been having a really crummy week. Underlying migraine since Saturday and it just wont go away.... and stuff to do every day. I know the world does not revolve around me or any other single person, I wish others would realize that as well.
Off to work... thanks for checking in and don't worry, I will be dancing again soon.